Why singledom shouldn’t make us a one-woman sitcom

Megan changed jobs recently.  When I messaged her to ask how it was all going, she said of her entire workplace, she is the only single woman there.  Already, her new colleagues are prying into her personal life, asking her stupid questions, and offering advice which actually just comes across as annoying clichés we've heard a thousand times before.  She has already been asked by one woman which of the men they work with does she fancy.  Because obviously, if you’re not in a relationship, you have no standards and you’ll fancy anything in close proximity that moves. Holly is in a similar situation – colleagues who know that she is single are often making comments about men in the office who they think may be eligible, and have even tried to set her up with their friends as if being single is some kind of crime.


Scrutinised just for being single
Image courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici 
/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It can be difficult when you find yourself being the only single woman in a particular environment where the people around you aren't close friends.  When people discover this your private life, your views and your flaws come under scrutiny.  People ask questions about your private life like they have a right to know, when in fact it’s none of their business and quite frankly, irrelevant in any situation.

Whereas it appears fine for a man to be single, the acceptance for a woman of a certain age to be single isn't quite the same.  It’s like such knowledge causes some sort of hardwire malfunction in people’s brains, which causes them to say and ask stupid things.  I think the stupidest question Megan was asked when she said she was single and wasn't dating at the time, was whether she was a lesbian. Seriously, what the hell..?!

People will say that they’re only asking because they want to get to know you better as a person; that they are just interested in how the whole dating thing works.  However, I would never dream of asking someone in a long term relationship, who isn't a close friend, whether they still have regular sex.  So why would it be okay for such a person to ask me whether I'm having sex with a guy I'm currently dating?  Why is such a question ever relevant?

The one-woman office sitcom
Image courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici
 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

To all intents and purposes, you become a one woman sitcom, regardless of whether you want to talk about it or not; regardless of whether you want your private life to be a talking point for people to laugh at. Your life becomes a mockery because everyone thinks dating is so much fun! So by that logic, it’s okay to make fun of the single woman, because they’re laughing with you. But are they really laughing with you when they don’t actually want to talk about it? Or are they just being laughed at and trying not to show that it hurts? The truth behind dating is that it isn't always fun, and sometimes, you just don’t want to talk about it.


My blog, my passion
Image courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici 
/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

From the moment it got leaked at my old workplace that I was dating, I became that one woman sitcom at the office. I was selective about who I told, but as with any sort of personal knowledge at work, it rarely stays secret; everyone likes to know things they shouldn't. In my new workplace, I've kept my dating under much tighter wraps, but I am open about being contentedly single. Fortunately for me, my new colleagues are less inclined to pry and they certainly don’t judge me for being single.

Last week, I noticed that the number of views this blog was receiving had shot up. Initially I was thrilled, but later discovered that an ex-colleague had found the blog and, as with any other sort of knowledge which isn't widely known, had been emailing the link around the office. While that in itself is fine, it was the response I got which really pissed me off.


Stop attacking my work!
Image courtesy of  David Castillo Dominici 
/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I had planned to meet up with those ex-colleagues for drinks, but arrived late and they were already drunk. I was met immediately with a barrage of questions, and as ever, was challenged about my views on dating and relationships, with conversation getting quite confrontational about my style of writing, emotional connection with my readers and subject matter.  As stupid and inappropriate questions go, I got asked a lot that night, under the cover of I just want to understand more about dating.

But this is what I mean by people thinking you are a one woman sitcom. They asked why I didn't write about my sex life, or write more about the individual guys I dated and what I thought of them. Quite simply, because it’s my private life and The ZFP isn't a dating diary.

Dating advice blogs and dating diary blogs are different – it’s not rocket science. I've deliberately chosen a journalistic style when explaining concepts. I doubt someone on the internet looking for advice about a specific situation is going to read through what I thought of one particular guy on a particular date. And I'm not going to have an emotional connection with my readers if the readers in question are so far removed from my target audience and are only even reading to be nosy and attack something I'm passionate about!

So how’s that for showing emotion on my blog?
Single women have every right to privacy and not to be judged based on someone else’s expectations. Sometimes, we don’t want to talk about our dates or the guys we've dated, and we don’t want to be attacked for trying to help people in the same situation. So deal with it.