Being somewhat married to my job for the past 4 weeks has hindered not only my social
life, but my dating prowess. So I was
pleased when I managed to secure my 44th first date (41st courtesy of Match.com) after a week of corresponding with Mr
Watch.
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| Online dating whilst being married to the job Image courtesy of marcolm / freedigitalphotos.net |
The
date itself went well, although he seemed a little distracted by his phones at
times. Within the first hour of us
meeting, he took a business call. He
also talked about work and his money far more than I was comfortable with.
Despite
having a pleasant time, I left the date a little unsure. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he
was just nervous and that there was a language barrier (he wasn't a native
English speaker). I did like him, so I
wanted to see him again to establish whether there was something worth pursuing.
The
next day, I woke up feeling exhausted, with my contact lenses still in (again). I had also left my Match.com account logged in on my laptop overnight.
I saw I had a message on my phone from Mr Watch: he was seeing
family. Knowing he was busy, I sent a
brief response and thought nothing more of it – I didn't want to disturb him. I spent the rest of my day napping, doing
laundry, catching up on admin, and writing last week’s blog post, The Male Freak Out Phase: Coping Mantra.
That evening when I checked my Match.com account, I saw that Mr Watch had sent me a message asking me how I was enjoying Match.com. I found it strange, since we had
started to message by phone. I replied
by phone asking what he meant, despite sensing he was annoyed at me. His response: he found me disappointing (!) because I was constantly online. He said it wasn't like I had a busy day (!)
so didn't know why I was so quiet and didn't message him more throughout the
day. Moreover, he found it surprising
that I was still on Match.com, i.e. I still had an active profile and was
logged in, when we had a good date the night before and we had agreed to a
second date.
Seriously,
after ONE DATE?!
I
appreciate that he could feel a little upset by seeing my profile still active. But there is a reasonable way of going about
expressing yourself… he was not doing that…
…
I had to take a few deep breaths…
It
had been one date. ONE DATE!
It
had been a pleasant date, and I had agreed to see him again, but we were dating – not in a relationship! His expectations of me were, I felt,
unreasonable after just one date.
Furthermore,
we hadn't discussed coming off Match.com (not
that I would have agreed anyway when I wasn't 100% sure about him AND it had
only been ONE DATE). Although he did not
make demands for me to do what he expected, rather to just realise and know
what to do, I felt the situation and his behaviour was made even more
unreasonable.
I
explained to him that for the time being, while we weren't in a relationship,
if he wanted to date other women, that was fine. This was the nature of online dating, and we
didn't have agreed
exclusivity. I made myself
clear that he can’t expect me to come off Match.com when we hadn't even discussed it!
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I
find it off putting when a guy complains that I do not message enough and can’t
appreciate that I need downtime on my
own. More off putting is a guy who
expects me to know what he thinks.
I
have pretty good female intuition, but I've yet to develop my psychic
powers. As soon as I do, sod dating –
I'm becoming a superhero!
What
surprised me the most was his petulant attitude and response. There was no mature discussion, just a strop
and lashing out. I don’t expect nor can
I tolerate that from a grown man.
After
his strop, he told me he couldn't talk to me because he was busy. This was feeling like a personal attack,
despite it being my actions which he was disappointed
in.
Unfortunately,
the story doesn't end there!
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| Seriously, what the hell, Mr Watch? Image courtesy of marcolm / freedigitalphotos.net |
I
had work the next morning and needed to sleep.
I didn't have time to deal with this.
Shortly
afterwards I saw I had a missed call from him too. I knew at this point I needed to nip it in
the bud. I responded by message, saying
that I thought we were too different as people to continue dating. He responded that it was a shame; he liked me
and he was planning on taking me to an amazing restaurant which I would have
loved. But we had discussed this enough
already. I agreed that it was a shame
because I did like him, but as with dating, sometimes it just didn't work.
AND
THEN… he called me again… to discuss everything we had already discussed in our
messages!
He
questioned what I was looking for; forcing his opinion on me that I was going
about things the wrong way and I would never find anyone decent. He kept repeating everything. Despite me saying I wasn't psychic and didn't
know what he wanted, he stated it was common sense and I should have known!
When
he insinuated again that I was wrong and just used men, I lost all patience
with him. I said my piece, told him I
had no more time for him if he had nothing new to say, then ended the call.
It
did occur to me that maybe I was being a bitch, but when I spoke to friends,
both male and female, they were surprised that I was as patient as I was with
him. They think his response was over
the top and inappropriately possessive. They
thought I would have cut ties with him the moment he got arsey and possessive, knowing
that I don’t tolerate unreasonable behaviour.
I feel I often give the impression of being unforgiving and harsh, but
do actually give people the benefit of the doubt and I certainly try to be as
open minded as possible.
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| Too tired to deal with his drama Image courtesy of marcolm / freedigitalphotos.net |
So,
the message from this is: guys – don’t go weird on a woman after one date. This applies to women too. It’s just not helpful and you can pretty much
kiss goodbye to your chance of a second date.
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