The Established Professional Female

I don’t think I find myself in an unusual position of being 30, single and childless. A quick browse through any dating website and you will see an abundance of single women in their 30’s still looking for Mr Right. According to the Office of National Statistics, 45% of women are childless at the point they reach their 30th birthday. This is attributable to women being better educated, pursuing careers and delaying marriage and relationships due to financial independence. I am a mere textbook statistic. But don’t write me off just yet.

The 30th birthday

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The term Bridget Jones Syndrome has been bounded around for decades to describe the single 30-something year old woman who has yet to find her Mr Darcy. However, the term has negative connotations and depicts calorie-counting, chain-smoking single woman who drinks a little too much. She is a childless woman with a disappointing career, who fantasises about being rescued from the stigma of being single by bad boy Daniel Cleaver. She owns a pair of iconic stomach sucking in pants that also holds her world together while she longs for affection and attention. Bridget Jones Syndrome is laced with facets of disappointment and stigma. Is this what society expects all single women to be like by the point they hit 30?

I can identify with our heroine: I party too hard, drink too much, and then suffer the hangovers from hell. I too face the awkward questions of why I am still single and, I admit, there are ‘elements of the ridiculous about [me]’. And as for the items put into my shopping basket – they screams to the world that I am single.

The professional female

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What I struggle to identify with is Bridget Jones’ disappointment and self pity with regard to being single and her tolerance to being treated badly.

I believe I am not alone in being one of the thousands of career orientated women who, although single, do not feel disappointed with the way life has turned out. I don’t just have a job; I have a career which is very important to me. I work in a competitive, high-pressured, male dominated environment and I am happy. I consider myself an established professional female, not someone who is inflicted by Bridget Jones Syndrome.

The UK is far from becoming a gender egalitarian society, but I make no apologies for being childless and unmarried at aged 30 with aspirations that extend beyond marriage. As an established professional female I bought my first property at age 28 and am completely self sufficient and defiantly independent. There is no shame in being an independent, self aware, high achiever. But that is not to say I am not looking for a boyfriend. On the contrary, I have been actively dating for the past 2 years in order to seek out my Mr Darcy (via the Daniel Cleavers), and at times I have wished the ground would open up and swallow me. But unlike those inflicted by Bridget Jones Syndrome, I do not see a boyfriend as a means to an end, nor am I waiting to be rescued.

The alpha male

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There in itself lies the problem and explanation – being an established professional female. When you are as competitive and tough as any man you work with, you seek out the alpha males to date.

There is almost an element of narcissism involved, where you are essentially looking to date the male version of you. I am guilty of this. As a result I have a habit, and reputation, for dating bankers, traders, barristers, solicitors, accountants and executives. These men tick the box in being very male, but they may not be relationship-inclined.

Nevertheless, there is no desperate longing which is associated with Bridget Jones Syndrome. I do not focus on one man – I am willing to date more than one man at a time and I place self respect and dignity above any man in my life.

In believing that there is a difference between Bridget Jones and an established professional female, I hope this blog – my project – will inspire women to feel empowered with whatever position they find themselves in, and to educate men in how to treat women whom they date in order to be successful.

Each blog entry will be based on personal experience, statistics and from conversations with friends. I appreciate not everyone will agree with my approach to dating, but this is the approach which has made me feel most empowered and happy, and facilitated happiness for friends and colleagues in their budding relationships.

Alone but not lonely

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